It Ain't Easy Bein' Green (or Blue)
by raph j
Summary: this is a TMNT/x-men crossover HEAVY on the ninja turtles (sorry to any major x -men fans out there please tell me if i get something wrong.) i like the x-men but my mom says comix are for guys (which is SO not true) and x-men are for adults. anyway basically nightcrawler meets the turtles! (oh also this is set in the 2003-2009 tmnt show so just imagine them with those voices)
1. Chapter 1: FEAR

**CHAPTER 1**  
** FEAR**  
Kurt Wagner (also known as nightcrawler) ran as fast as he could his yellow eyes wide in fear.

his blue furry body was shaking in fright and his pointed tail whipped back and forth in agitation.

he could hear them behind him getting closer with every passing second. he looked around wildly and spotted a manhole cover.

his pointy ears quivered in excitement as he thought of a way to escape his tormentors. there was a loud** BAMF!** And he disappeared into the sewers of New york leaving behind a pink cloud and the smell of sulfur

Now in the sewers kurt continued to run erratically his mind clouded with fear.

When he came to a dead end he barely stopped to think. He knew he shouldn't 'port somewhere he had never seen, he could 'port inside a wall and die.

But he wasn't thinking straight and regardless of the danger with a **BAMF!** He was gone.

He was lucky, he didn't 'port in a wall.

However he DID 'port right in front of one.

He crashed into it and blacked out

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**Hey so what do u think?**

**(dont worry the other chapters will be longer!)**


	2. Chapter 2: TURTLES

** CHAPTER 2**  
** TURTLES**  
**raphs p.o.v**:  
in the turtles lair it was just another day. Leo and master splinter were meditating (leo in his room and master splinter in the dojo),Donny was tinkering in his lab, raph was practising with his beat up punching bag and mikey was watching a movie.

"Hey raph" called mikey looking up from The Hulk. "what?" growled raph tensing up. Mikey had THAT tone of voice.

The tone of voice that said "im gonna be so annoying that you use me as a punching bag!"

"Well" began mikey with a grin "you and the hulk could be twins! Your both green, stupid, ugly and have serious anger iss-" a **BAMF**! And a** CRASH!** Interrupted raph from launching himself at mikey.

They both looked over to see a furry blue MAN passed out in their living room. He was slumped against the wall and one of his shoulders was in a weird position. "Uh don?" called raph "ya might want ta take a look at dis" "just a minute" called donny from the depths of his lab.

"Hey raph look!" exclaimed mikey "maybe hes a long lost cousin or someth-OW!" he broke off rubbing his head where raph had hit him "what didja do that for?"

"Bein' stupid" raph retorted "not that I need a reason" he added under his breath. "I mean we look nothin like dat guy why wouldja even say that?"he asked angrily.

wordlessly mikey pointed to the strange mans hands and feet. "What da shell?" gasped raph in astonishment. The strangers hands and feet were eerily similar to the turtles own appendages.

Three large fingers on each hand and two large toes on each foot. The only difference was that the strangers hands and feet were covered in blue fur instead of green skin

Raph tried not to show it but he was a little unsettled by this. He had never even remotely resembled anyone other than his brothers before now (which if he was honest with himself was probably why he had snapped at mikey for suggesting they were related to this strange man. even if he was joking) it was strange to think he had something in common with someone he hadn't even really met yet.

before raph could reflect further on this donny poked his head out of the lab "ok raph what do you need?" he asked with a sigh

"hey donny" piped up mikey "there's a weird blue dude who's passed out in our living room!" he paused for breath "and hes got a tail!" he finished.

This time it was leo (who had ventured out of his room to see what all the commotion was about) who smacked mikey. "Youre one to talk he admonished mikey

"we're giant talking turtles. We don't really have the right to call any one weird"

by this time don had hurried over with his first aid kit and had begun examining their unexpected guest.

The other three turtles watched him shuffling their feet and trying not to get in dons way until mikey (as usual) broke the silence."Hey don. Is he all right?" he asked nervously

"I don't really know mikey. Im examining him as if he's a human but for all we know he could be an alien-"

"really!?" mikey interrupted "cause that would be SO cool!"

don glared at mikey while raph moved into the position that would hurt mikey the most if he felt he needed to smack mikey upside the head again

"**ANYWAY**" don picked up where he had left off "as I was saying before _**Someone** _interrupted me" he glared meaningfully at mikey "he could be an alien or he could a mutant like us"

* * *

**okay okay i know haveing mikey be watching a movie about the Hulk**

**(another marvel character) makes no sense but i couldn't resist!**

**is raphs accent ok? im trying to be true to his brooklynness**


	3. Chapter 3: MUTANTS

** CHAPTER 3**  
** MUTANTS**  
**kurts p.o.v:**  
Kurts head felt like someone had stomped all over it and his shoulder was on fire. As he slowly drifted back to conciousness he heard an unfamiliar voice saying "-ould be a mutant like us. Im not really sure at this point. But aside from a dislocated shoulder, sprained wrist and a nasty bump on his head he Seems to be fine" kurt sighed in relief. so he was safe and among other mutants although they didn't seem to recognize him (and once people met him it was hard to mistake him for someone else) so he couldn't be at the Xavier institute. "So wadda we do now?" asked a gruff voice with a Brooklyn accent. "Wait for him to wake up I guess" replied the first voice "how do you know hes a HE?" piped up a third voice with a south californian drawl "what?" snapped the gruff voice "I can tell mikey, its pretty obvious" replied the first voice a trifle impatiently. "Yeah but if hes an alien then-" "just drop it mikey I don't think he's an alien" a new voice interrupted. Kurt wondered if he was in a hospital. If he had to guess he'd say the first voice was a doctor ,the gruff voice was a bodyguard and this "mikey" was a... surfer? ok maybe he wasn't in a hospital. Overcome with curiosity kurt opened his eyes a crack...

**Turtles p.o.v:**  
"Hey guys I think he's waking up!" exclaimed mikey with excitment. The strangers eyes slitted open and then opened wide with suprise. "Oh!" gasped donnie's patient and with a loud **BAMF**! Disappeared. "Hey whered he go?" asked raph "And why does it smell like rotten eggs?" said mikey waving the cloud of pink smoke the man had left behind away from his face. His eyes lit up "oh I get it!" "What?" asked leo "Dude! he farted! Exclaimed mikey chortling. leo rolled his eyes in disgust before taking deep breaths and concentrating. He heard breathing above them. "Found him" he announced looking up at their (very high) ceiling.

**kurts p.o.v:**  
Up in the rafters kurt looked down in surprise as all four of the...turtles? Looked up at him. he had not expected them to find him so soon. "Hey dude" called one with an orange mask "how'd you get up there?" kurt **BAMFED**! Down beside him "like dat!"he explained. He smiled at the astonished expressions on the turtles faces as the turtle whos voice he reconized as "mikey" waved away the pink smoke coughing, his eyes wide as saucers. The red masked turtle was the first to recover. He drew two sai and pointed them at kurt narrowing his eyes as if to say "take one step and you're dead meat" for the first time kurt noticed that all the turtles were armed (one had swords, one had some sort of stick and "mikey" had... nunchuks? he thought that was what they were called) "get away from mikey" he growled menacingly "easy" said kurt putting his hands in the air and backing away slowly. "I am sorry I could not resist" he grinned (revealing his sharp fangs) "you should haff seen your faces! It vas priceless!" "Raph put them away" ordered a turtle in a blue mask "I think hes friendly" "yes" kurt nodded in agreement "I am sorry about before, you startled me. I am not used to seeing mutants as strange looking as I am" "Im sorry" said...raph? Sarcastically "I don't think we caught your name" " I am kurt vagner and I hope you vill forgive my earlier rudeness. I know all two well how it feels vhen someone takes vone look at you and runs avy screaming" a turtle in a purple mask stepped forward and as he began to speak kurt recognized the first voice he had heard upon waking up "its fine...kurt. My name is donatello these are my brothers leonardo, raphael and michelangelo. I should really fix your shoulder and then would you mind telling us how you ended up in our home unconscious?"

**Turtles p.o.v:**  
"psst" whispered mikey to leo as donny spoke "what does avay mean?" "I think he was trying to say away" leo whispered back. "Now pay attention" he said as donny finished speaking. "Of course not" replied the man who called himself kurt with a thick German accent. " you deserve to know how a total stranger ended up in your hom-arrrgg" he ended in a scream as donny expertly popped his shoulder back in place. Rubbing his sore shoulder he began: "I vas running an errand for de professor vhen I gott ambushed. A mutant called passion who vorks for magneto and few other mutants on his side attacked me. Passion has de ability to control others emotions. She filled me vith fear. but her plan backfired. She had planned to make me cower in fear so it vould be easy to capture me but instead I ran. They vere gaining on me so I 'ported into de sewers. I vas so scared I just kept on running until I came to a dead end. If I vas sinking clearly I vould never haff 'ported somevhere I had never seen before. I could haff easily ended up in a vall vhich vould haff killed me instantly. I vas very lucky I ended up in your home instead and I apologise for de intrusion"

"waitaminute back up" said raph "youre tellin' us dat youre a mutant like us and dat Passion chick and a buncha her freinds are mutants too? How da shell did dat happen?" "And how did you get mutated kurt?" added donny "mutated?" asked kurt in confusion "vhat do you mean mutated? I vas BORN dis vay." "If ya were BORN dat way then ya ain't a mutant. are ya , genius" said raph with scorn. "Vell den" replied kurt "I geuss im a different kind of mutant. I stay at de Xavier Institute For Gifted Youngsters. It is a place vhere people who are born vith de mutant x gene Live and learn how to control dere powers. Most mutants still look like ordinary humans but haff special powers although of course dere are some exceptions, like myself dat look as different as they are." the turtles stared at him blankly "vould I be correct to assume dat you are a different kind of mutant. "ya got dat right" said raph as leo tried to explain "you see we were NOT born this way. We used to be ordinary turtles but a canister of ooze transformed us and our father into what we are today and we don't really have any special powers I mean we each have different talents but nothing unusual." your father?" asked kurt "yeah masta splinta" said raph

"we consider him our father although technically were not really related" explained donny "I think ill go get him now" he added as he headed towards the dojo"ok" said kurt "I vould be happy to meet your father" "sensei" called donny as he entered the dojo "we have a uh unusual guest we'd like you to meet". "A guest?" asked master splinter "what do you mean my son? April and Casey should be at work right now and I would hardly call either of them unusual. Well" he corrected himself with a chuckle I would hardly call April unusual and we are all used to Casey!" "Youve uh never met kurt before." donny began "but we wanted him to meet you" "and hes a mutant too!" said mikey sticking his head in "well a different kind of mutant" donny amended "he said he and the people at his school are like humans who were born with a "mutant x gene" that gives them special powers and they call themselves Mutants" "and he looks funny!" added mikey "very well my sons" said master splinter "show me this "Mutant"

* * *

**so did i get kurts accent ok?**

**im not an expert on accents but im pretty sure german people switch their w's for v's**

**(or is that russians?) anyway im trying to make it obvious he has an accent and i think its working**

**spoiler alert!: kurt likes to pull pranks (according to wiki one of his nicknames is the trickster) so i have a feeling kurt and mikey are goin to get along gr8 and play a really good trick on raph ! ****any suggestions?**


	4. Chapter 4: FURRY

** CHAPTER 4**  
** FURRY**  
**kurts p.o.v:**  
Kurt looked up as master splinter entered the room. "Your "father" is a rat?" he asked in disbelief

"ya godda problem with that?" asked raph as he reached for his sai "Raphael!" snapped master splinter"be courteous to our guest. Donatello tells me he has had a tramatic experience recently"

"yes sensei" muttered raph looking at the floor he looked like he wanted to disappear.

"It is all right" said kurt "he reminds me of a friend of mine. His name is Logan. I think they vould hit it off"

raph looked up at kurt and smirked. Kurt smiled back before turning to address master splinter

"it is a pleasure to meet you sir I am kurt vagner. I thank you for your hospitality" "the pleasure is all mine" splinter replied shaking kurts hand firmly.

Kurt was taken aback. Even people who were aware a head of time of his strange appearance did a double take the first time they saw him.

But this old rat had barely blinked when he saw kurt and had then proceeded to talk to him and shake his hand as if furry blue mutants were an everyday occurrence.

Master Splinter must have sensed his confusion because he continued "I have seen a great many strange things in my life including myself and my my age nothing surprises me."

"Aww! Look you're bonding" cooed mikey from the couch "I knew you two would like each other!"

"Vhy?" asked kurt "Duh! You're both furry!" mikey explained rolling his eyes dramatically as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Ignore him" said leo coming over "thats what I do and it works pretty well (most of the time)"

"not as well as hitting him" called raph from the kitchen. Leo shook his head in exasperation before turning back to kurt.

"Anyway" he continued "if you want we can give you a shell cell so you can call home or the Xavier institute or whoever might be worried about you."

"Oh yes!" kurts eyes lit up "I must call the Professor he vill be vondering vhere I've been and the other X-men should be vorned that Passion is on the varpath."

" 'k here ya go" said raph jogging back into the living room as he tossed kurt a shell cell

"if ya need a ride we'd be happy ta give ya one in the battleshell" "thanks" said kurt leaping inhumanly high ,doing a backflip And then catching the phone nimbly with his 3 ½ foot long prehensile tail.

"Wow!" exclaimed mikey "howde you do that?" "vell" said kurt hanging upside down on the ceiling

"you said you each haff your own individual talents I do too. In fact I used to be an acrobat. I vas raised in a circus"

"cool" said mikey "we're ninjas" "ah" replied kurt as he began dialing "that vould explain the ninja weapons and the dojo"

"yes" explained master splinter "I have trained my sons in the art of ninjitsu since they were very young. Now they go out every night to patrol the city"

"oh?" said kurt with intrerest as the phone began ringing "perhaps I shall join you sometime if the Professor does not need me back right away"


	5. Chapter : COMRADES

** CHAPTER 5**  
** COMRADES **

**raphs p.o.v:**  
That night raph looked over at kurt as they prepared to go topside.

Apparently the "x-men" were on a mission and kurts "professor" would pick him up sometime tomorrow when they got back.

Raph still didn't completely trust kurt but he was interested to to see how well he could fight and if he'd be able to keep up with four teenaged ninjas.

Leo handed kurt a sword which he took and began to expertly parry and thrust to get the feel for it. "Impressive" said leo watching the display with interest

"thank you" said kurt switching from his right hand to his left and then holding it with one of his feet

"although I am afraid I am not quite up to par with this weapon I am quite adept at fencing but I am used to a more european style sword" he admitted twirling the sword with his tail.

"Hey kurt" said mikey coming out of the kitchen "whats it like to have a tail?" he asked with interest "we have tails too mikey" groaned raph stabbing at a practice dummy with his sai.

"Well yeah" said mikey "but I mean a **_cool _**tail. You can barely see ours they're so small" he pouted

"kurts tail can do all kinds of cool stuff" he said nodding at where leo and kurt were sparring. kurts tail a blur as he expertly deflected leos katana.

"I mean its like hes got an extra arm! On his **butt**!" mikey exclaimed "how cool is that?" raph rolled his eyes as donny came out of his lab. It was amazing how easy it was to impress mikey.

"Thanks for letting me run those tests kurt" said donny coming over "the results were amazing!" he said practically drooling as he spoke

"do you mind if I ask you a few questions" "sure" said kurt as he **BAMFED!** Behind leo and quickly disarmed him. "Vhat do you wish to know?"

"Well" began donny "do you know how long this effects of Passions power takes to wear off?" "Im not sure" admitted kurt

"vhen I voke up I was fine but I don't know how long it would have taken to vear off by its self. I do know that she still cant control it very well and her range isnt very far"

"hmmmm" said donny thoughtfully "well after examining some sort of gaseous residue in your bloodstream (which I believe is how she controlled your emotions)

I believe I have found a solution!" seeing everyones glazed expressions he sighed "just take these" he handed out some small blue pills

"they should cancel out Passions power" he explained

"if we run into her" raph grumbled swallowing his pill. He winced. He hated taking pills

"better safe than sorry raph" leo lectured

" yeah yeah, ok enough waitin' around lets go already" raph growled eager to go topside and kick some butt.

"You got it!" grinned leo leading them towards the nearest manhole cover.

**Mikeys p.o.v:**  
"Lets get this party started!" cheered mikey eager to show kurt what he could do. He leaped out of the sewers "ok your turn kurt"

he turned around to help his new friend up the ladder. "Huh?" kurt wasnt there! A loud **BAMF!** Startled mikey so much he almost fell back in the sewers!

"Whoa dude!" he spun around, grinning broadly at kurt who had teleported behind him "Awesome! Not many people can sneak up on a ninja!"

Kurt grinned back at him his fangs glinting in the moonlight. "Slowpoke!" he teased scrambling up a fire escape onto the roof.

Laughing mikey chased after him kurt was awesome! He seemed to appreciate a good prank just as much as mikey

. And his ability to 'port away at the first sign of trouble made him unstoppable.

Mikey grinned evilly. before kurt had to leave he was going to take advantage of having another prankster nearby.

The others had better watch their backs cause he and kurt were going to pull off the grandaddy of all pranks!

* * *

**so i need some inspiration here!**

**2 problems:**

**1: i suck at writing fighting scenes(its not my fault i dont know what to call all those fancy terms for kicking butt)**

**2: i have NO idea what the "granddaddy of all pranks" should be so if you want to email me any suggestions my email is:**

**thwipsniktbamfavengerzrox **

**thwip= spideys webs**

**snikt=wolverines claws**

**BAMF=nightcrawler teloporting (duh)**

**just in case ur wondering**


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